So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
