I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
