dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
