I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
