my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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