and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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