every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can I color on your dick again?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
