so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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