She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
