morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
