you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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