I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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