Non-Jews are for practice
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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