He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
