No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I still have a little drunk in my system
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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