I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
