i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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