ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
