remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
