I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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