Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
