dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
