no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
