i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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