i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
