I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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