I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
