i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
