My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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