You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
