pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
