so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
