Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
