onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
