sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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