is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
