you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
