Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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