I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize