"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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