if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
