look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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