the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
