Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
