The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
