Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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