the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
