do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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