Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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