Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
