good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
