what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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