also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
