Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
