our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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