Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
