my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
