there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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