i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
