Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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