I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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