I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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