so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
